


all the small details

by fated_addiction



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Crystal, Code Name: Sailor V
Genre: Angst, Coda, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 01:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2563382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Guilt talks</i>. Minako, Usagi, and the chance to talk. | Act 9 coda</p>
            </blockquote>





	all the small details

**Author's Note:**

> A little rusty, but back at it. Trying to find my groove again.

Ikuko brings the blanket outside. 

The stairs are cold and uncomfortable. Minako tries not to notice that Usagi still favors her left side. That's the guilt. She's almost afraid to close her eyes and remember the battle. It's been days, after.

She thanks Usagi's mother first. Ikuko smiles kindly and pats Usagi's hair. Minako watches the wrinkles gather at her eyes and then she watches Usagi notice. Her heart twists. They both wait until she leaves. The front door shuts behind her. The television comes to life; there is the news and Minako thinks of her parents.

"You don't have to leave."

Minako feels startled. Usagi means to be genuine, but she still grinds her teeth into her lip.

"Just a few more minutes," she says. "I'm not too far -- we can walk to school together in the morning."

Usagi smiles slightly. "I'm all right."

And maybe that's the truth. There is color back in Usagi's face. She looks flushed and Minako grips onto that pride. The blanket is on her lap and she takes it from the other girl, wrapping it around the both of their shoulders.

They are not close yet, she tells herself. Somehow it doesn't seem to matter. They could be sisters. They could be better friends. _She's magnetic_ , Rei had warned when they were outside her room earlier. There are even simpler moments, closer ones, but even they eat away at Minako.

"I'm sure you have questions --"

She clears her throat. Usagi pulls at the blanket. There's a bit of breeze. Minako wishes she had something else to wear. It's silly; she's never liked the school uniform. Sometimes she misses England. Mostly, she doesn't.

Usagi bites her lip. "-- I don't know where --"

"To begin," Minako finishes. They stare at each other. Usagi laughs first; the sound softens her mouth.

"How long?" Usagi asks, leaning into her knees. She squints and sighs into watching the sky. Tokyo Tower is too bright. She blinks and looks to the house instead. She'd stay, she thinks. If they asked again, Usagi and her mother. The front of the house remains inviting in the low light. Usagi's father arrived moments earlier, tired and smiling at his daughter and wife. She has a brother too, Usagi told her earlier. It seems only right for her to be surround by people.

"How long?" Usagi asks again. "How long have you been alone?"

There is an answer to this question. They both know. Minako remembers too well what it's like to be Usagi. There are stages. There is always grief.

She blinks. "I can't even remember," she says slowly. She pulls at the blanket and sighs. She might be surprised. "It's all blurred together. I think I just got used to doing everything alone."

Usagi shakes her head. Their shoulders brush. Minako tries not to lean into her too much.

"It's cruel."

Minako flushes. "I --" she looks at the other girl and forgets what she should say. Her chin tilts. Her hair brushes into her eyes. 

Minako remembers the pins she put in. Her fingers curl. Usagi doesn't look at her.

"I'm not mad, you know. I think there is a lot happening inside of me. I don't know how to be angry at anyone or at any of the reasons why. I was never good at it anyway." Minako watches the change in emotions on the other girls' face. It flusters her even more; Usagi looks young and old and endless all of the sudden. "I'm terrified," she confesses. "And I don't understand it. I don't understand any of this -- what I feel, how I feel it, _why_ I feel it. It's silly, but --"

"But the fear is always real," Minako finishes again.

Usagi merely smiles. It still doesn't reach her eyes.

It's sad and very, very real to her, but it's been so long since it's been new. This is the most terrifying aspect of it all. Minako knew that it would come to a point where she'd have to do this with them all. She envied that moment. She wanted to avoid it. She needed it. It was always something that loomed for her and yet, the solitude that came with what she had to do was always the crueler reality.

But still there is plenty to talk about. Her own memories are unclear. She wonders what kind of questions that the other girls have. She wonders if they are just as curious about her too. They have yet to say anything.

She doesn't blame them. She wouldn't ask either.

"I feel like I failed you."

The words stumble out without any warning. It's how the jealousy rises and falls and settles inside of her. They have each other, she reminds herself. Then she hates herself for thinking that. You're the leader, she tells herself. She always tells herself. _Your_ decisions are for the best.

"I did then," she says. She is suddenly much older than she has to be. "I am now."

"You didn't."

Usagi's voice faints for the moment. Minako turns her gaze to the sky. The lights in front of her seem closer. Kunzite's voice returns to her head. He called her a liar without saying the words. He forced this hand without understanding how delicate the memories are. Or were.

Minako shakes her head. This happens a lot. She thinks things and doesn't understand them. She knows them, knows she should know them, but feels awkward and way and too much like the age she is supposed to be. Kunzite is not a stranger; this is a ghost and a fact. Those are feelings that she cannot reconcile yet. She doesn't want to. She can't. They are incomplete and then, then, Usagi and the other girls will be left without any kind of defense. She cannot have that happen.

"You did what you thought was best," Usagi murmurs. "Don't put that on yourself, Mina-chan."

"I lied," she protests, flushing under the affection. It comes too naturally to Usagi, she thinks. Usagi tries to touch her hand, but Minako leans away as she continues. "I lied to protect you but then --"

"You didn't."

"I didn't," she agrees.

Usagi cups her face between her hands. She turns into her. It's abrupt and intimate. Her fingers are cool against her face. Minako thinks she should fix the blanket over her, but finds herself unable to move.

"No one failed anyone." Usagi keeps her voice quiet. Her lips tremble and she smiles sadly. "I'm the one that set this into motion, right? I could have gone after him. I could have done so many things and really, I -- every time I close my eyes, Mina-chan, I try to find a reason to go after him. To not think about making sense of anything. I'm supposed to be impulsive, you know. I am impulsive. I hate math. I really would like to sit and just play games at the arcade and laugh with the other girls. Go to Naru-chan's shop and see her mother. Dream about falling in love. And _now_ \--"

"Usa --"

The younger girl shakes her head, still smiling. The blanket falls entirely onto Minako, almost limp on her shoulders. The fabric feels coarse and heavy. Her throat tightens. Usagi's hands fall too and curl around the ends of the blanket, pulling it back over her shoulders. She tugs once. She tugs twice.

"And now," she starts again. Her eyes are watering and something inexplicable bursts inside of Minako. She cannot move though, half-awed by Usagi, more terrified to say anything else. "And now," Usagi murmurs. "I'm in love and the whole world is different and that love seems like such a small part of everything, but it's the only thing that's keeping me from screaming and crying all over again."

Then, there, Minako comes face to face with herself and everything she's been through in a matter minutes, days, really that she's met and watched and tried to come and understand the others. She thinks of Ami and Rei and Makoto. She thinks things like unique and we'll grow without knowing why or how she thinks them. Need is need. 

She cannot turn and look at Usagi though. The shame talks. The guilt comes back. She sees herself surrounded by the other girls. She sees Usagi and Mamoru encased and then the striking reality of her memories. The words feel dry. The words feel empty too. She wants to tell them everything. She wants to tell them nothing. They have to move on and move forward. They _need_ to move forward.

This isn't it, she doesn't say. "You'll start to try too hard," she manages.

It's the most honest she's ever been with anyone. Her hands are shaking. She'll keep this close to her heart, she thinks. Then she tries to smile. Her mouth hurts and it feels like a lie.

Maybe that's the curse.


End file.
